Bitter Wild Page 17

  She focused on him, willing him to look at her. Jester had eased the knife away from her throat. He clearly didn’t think she was any threat. Casey wanted Jack to look at her. She wanted him to know she loved him. Finally, just as Jester’s grip on the gun tightened, Jack’s gaze flashed to her. Casey gave him a smile. She saw the confusion in his eyes and then saw them widen as she gave him a small nod. Then, while Jester was anticipating the firing of the bullet, she threw herself backwards as hard as she could. She heard the gun discharge and saw that Jack wasn’t struck. She saw him scramble to his feet and heard him scream her name just before she and Jester slipped over the edge.

  Jack heard Jester scream all the way down. When the scream finally fell silent he ran forward and fell to his knees at the edge of the drop. He leaned out over the edge as far as he could, but couldn’t see the pool of water below. He heard Stan shouting behind him.

  “Get that chopper up here, now!”

  Jack turned around and saw John running toward the cliff. He spotted Jester’s rope and picked it up to toss it over the edge. Jack got to his feet as John took hold of it and all but jumped off the cliff. Jack ran to meet the sheriff at the edge of the cliff. Jack’s gaze scanned the rolling water of the river as it tumbled over rocks on its way through the valley. He sucked in a sharp breath as he saw a body in the water. It bobbed up to the surface just before slamming into a large rock. Jack recognized the jacket Jester had been wearing. He also knew, from the way his body bent when it hit the rock, that the man was dead. He watched as the water carried Jester away, tossing him around like a rag doll until he finally disappeared beneath the surface and never came back up.

  Jack closed his eyes as he imagined Casey doing the same thing. She’d done it for him. He saw that much in her eyes right before she threw herself and Jester over the edge. She’d sacrificed herself for him. He felt every muscle in his body clench. He wasn’t worth it!

  He heard a shout from below and opened his eyes. John had reached the bottom and was working his way across the boulders toward the edge of the river. He was moving fast, too fast for the slippery rocks. He’d gone over that cliff without a moment’s hesitation. He was running full tilt over rocks covered with water and moss. Obviously, the man was in love with Casey. Jack felt his heart shatter in his chest. He’d taken her to bed because he wanted her, but John was the man who deserved her. He would never have put her in this position in the first place. He wouldn’t have let her take the risks Jack had all but encouraged her to take.

  Jack heard the sheriff’s walkie-talkie crackle to life.

  “I’ve found her, Stan. She’s alive, but she’s hurt pretty bad.”

  Stan spoke into his radio. “Chopper’s on its way, John. You tell her to hold on.”

  It seemed like an eternity before the heavy thump of the chopper’s rotors became audible. Jack watched as the chopper came into view, then watched as a medic and a basket were lowered. Jack could barely believe she was alive. He couldn’t imagine anyone surviving that fall. But then Casey had proved repeatedly that she was a survivor. He glanced over at the sheriff. “Tell them there’s another patient.”

  Stan frowned. “What?”

  Jack ignored the question as he turned and ran down the hill. He found Chance lying right where he’d fallen. The big dog was still breathing, but it was clear that he’d lost a lot of blood. Jack lifted the massive animal into his arms and turned to hurry back up the hill. He’d barely reached the top when he saw the basket holding Casey as it was hauled up to the chopper. Jack called out to the sheriff. “Tell them to take the dog, as well.”

  Stan nodded and used the radio to let the medics know they had another patient. Jack heard them argue, but the sheriff insisted and they finally agreed. They lowered the cable to pick up their medic on the ground and lifted him to the ridge, where Jack helped him rig a harness to safely lift Chance into the chopper. Before the medic lifted off, Jack met the man’s gaze.

  “I’m the federal agent in charge. You give this animal the same attention you give her, understand? Make sure there’s a vet waiting for you when you land. If she survives and he doesn’t, I won’t be the only one you’ll have to contend with.”

  The medic nodded, then signaled the chopper that he was ready. Within minutes both the medic and Chance were aboard the chopper and it swung around to head back to civilization. Jack watched it until it disappeared. Casey was alive, but God alone knew if she’d stay that way.

  Jack moved to help Stan haul John back up the side of the cliff. Once they’d pulled him up, Jack saw the moisture in the man’s eyes. He locked gazes with the sheriff. “She’s in bad shape.”

  Stan laid his hand on John’s shoulder. “She’s been in bad shape before and she pulled through. She’s a fighter, John. You know that.”

  John nodded, then swung his gaze to Jack. Jack wasn’t surprised by the fury he saw. He anticipated, but didn’t dodge the blow John delivered a moment later. It was hard enough to nearly knock Jack down. Stan grabbed John to keep him from taking a second swing, but he didn’t appear to intend to take it any further.

  “This is your fault, you son of a bitch! If she dies, I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.”

  He shrugged out of the sheriff’s grasp. “I’m fine. I’ll see you at the hospital.”

  He turned around and stalked off. Jack watched him go, rubbing at his jaw to make sure it wasn’t broken. The punch had been a good one. Jack could have ducked it, but some part of him had known it was deserved. He had no idea how much John and Stan had overhead of his conversation with Jester, but he could imagine what they both thought if they’d heard it all. The sheriff clapped him on the shoulder.

  “Don’t mind John, he’s just a little overprotective of Casey. She knew what she was doing.”

  Jack shook his head. “He was right. This whole thing was my fault. I knew I should keep her out of it, but I let her talk me into trying to take Jester down. If she dies, her blood will be on my hands.”

  The sheriff studied him silently. Jack had already turned away when he finally spoke.

  “Did you tell her you’re in love with her?”

  Jack spun back around. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Don’t be an ass, boy. You were ready to let yourself get shot to save her. Hell, I was standing close enough to see the look on both your faces when she went over that cliff. You’re both so far gone it’s impossible to miss.”

  Jack lifted a hand to rub his face. “It doesn’t matter what she thinks she feels for me. It wouldn’t work. Not in a million years. We’re from two different worlds and that’s all there is to it.” He met the sheriff’s gaze. “You think she’d ever be happy in the city? These woods are a part of her soul. If she was taken away from them it would kill her as surely as a bullet, it would just take a hell of a lot longer.”

  “Maybe you ought to let her decide that for herself.”

  “She threw herself off a cliff. I’d say it’s obvious that she’s willing to go to any length. But I don’t want to watch her spirit die. I don’t want to watch the light go out of her eyes. She belongs here and I don’t. It’s as simple as that.”

  He held up a hand when the sheriff readied to continue the argument. “It’s over, sheriff. Just leave it alone.”

  Jack turned and walked away. He told himself to focus on the little details that had to be taken care of. They needed to search for Jester’s body. It was probably gone for good, but he had to make the effort. Then there would be all kinds of paperwork to fill out. He’d be stuck giving depositions for days. The debriefing alone would take several days, no doubt. He’d put a civilian in the line of fire. She’d been hurt and might die from those injuries. He’d be lucky if he didn’t set his career back a decade. The thing was, he didn’t care. He was afraid that if Casey died he wouldn’t care about anything ever again.

  Casey opened her eyes slowly. The pain was less intense today and she breathed a sigh of relief for th
at. The first time she’d woken up, she’d prayed for unconsciousness to claim her again. She had a concussion, a dislocated shoulder-again, a broken arm, several broken ribs, more than one of which had punctured her lung, and a leg that was broken in two places. The pain was every bit as horrific as what she’d endured as a result of the bear attack. But, like then, she was alive and none of her injuries was life threatening. In the two weeks since she’d woken in the hospital, everyone she knew had visited her. Even agent Skip Reynolds had paid her a visit. That had been right after she woke. She’d been unconscious for almost a week. He’d let her know that Jester was dead and that they’d eventually found his body wedged in some rocks downstream. He explained that he and Jack had to return to Langley. He thanked her for all she’d done and told her that someone would take her official statement once she was in better condition. Casey had wanted desperately to ask where Jack was. She’d prayed that he wouldn’t just leave without at least seeing her. But that’s exactly what he did. He left and he hadn’t been back. He would never be back.

  Casey felt tears gather in her eyes. She’d known Jack didn’t really love her. She’d known he would end up breaking her heart and she’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t regret her decision to become his lover. Truthfully, she didn’t regret it. She’d made the choice to love him and she would live with the consequences. She lifted her head when she heard a soft whine beside the bed. Chance was sitting at her side. He’d been there when she woke. The bullet had done some serious damage to his back leg. He’d never walk without a limp again, but he was alive, just like she was.

  She had Jack to thank for that. Stan had explained how he’d sent Chance out on the chopper with her. She reached out and touched his head. It seemed Jack had also been the one to arrange for Chance to stay in her room with her. Stan said he’d pulled all sorts of strings and then resorted to sheer obstinacy to get his way. Casey took some comfort in that. At least Jack must have cared a little for her to go to so much trouble to keep Chance at her side.

  It was just over a week later that Casey woke up sick. She hadn’t ever felt so miserable. The pain she could handle, but the constant nausea was enough to drive her crazy. Just the thought of food made her ill. The doctor ran a few tests, then had a long talk with her. She tried to argue with him at first. His explanation just couldn’t be possible. He assured her that he’d double-checked the results. Despite what she’d been told after the bear attack, she was pregnant.

  Casey had gone through several emotional stages after getting the news. The disbelief and denial hadn’t lasted long. The uncertainty and fear had been even more short-lived. Once she got over the shock, she hadn’t felt anything but awe and unrelenting joy. She and Andy had always planned to have children. She’d learned to live with the disappointment after she was told it would never happen. She’d learn to live with her disappointment in Jack, too. Maybe he didn’t want her. Maybe he wouldn’t even want his child, though Casey couldn’t really imagine him turning his back on it. He was too honorable a man to shirk his responsibilities. But she didn’t want him to feel like she was pressuring him into anything. She had no idea how they’d work it out, but she knew they would. Somehow, they’d find a way to raise their child in both their worlds. And she would find a way to keep her love for him to herself. She still had her pride, after all.

  Contents

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Jack tugged at the bowtie for what he was sure was the hundredth time. He’d worn tuxes more than once in the past and while he didn’t pretend it was his favorite attire, he didn’t usually feel this uncomfortable. Rationally, he knew his discomfort had less to do with the tux than with his anxiety over seeing Casey again. It had been nearly three months since she’d thrown herself off that cliff. He knew how badly she’d been hurt. He’d gotten a full catalogue of her injuries the moment he reached the hospital. He’d stood at her door and stared at her unconscious form. He hadn’t had long to see her. Her boyfriend, John, had made it clear that he didn’t want Jack anywhere near her. Jack couldn’t blame him.

  When it became clear that she would survive, Jack made the decision to stay away for good. She had John, a man who would certainly be better for her. She’d be hurt, Jack knew. She’d probably be angry, too. Jack just figured that would make it easier for her to turn to John. Nothing made it easier for him to let her go, though. In the months since he’d last seen her, Jack had realized just how much he cared for her. He’d never felt as much for any other woman. Everything reminded him of her. The people and places that used to give him pleasure only reminded him of how much he missed Casey. The city he’d once loved felt cold and lonely. The sights and sounds just seemed garish and grating. He was miserable and everyone knew it. Skip had accused him of having a permanently foul mood transplanted into himself.

  Jack probably would have gone on being in a foul mood for the rest of his life if he hadn’t found himself faced with the opportunity to see Casey again. After he’d filed all the depositions and finished his debriefing, it had been glaringly obvious to everyone that Casey was a unique woman. Someone nominated her for a special commendation and she was easily accepted. Once a year, there was a banquet where the awards would be handed out to individuals who’d provided some especially useful assistance to the FBI. Casey was one of half a dozen such individuals that would be honored tonight.

  Jack had spent the weeks since he’d learned of the banquet trying to figure out exactly what he wanted. At first blush, it seemed simple enough. He was miserable without Casey. He wanted her more than he wanted his next breath. But he kept coming back to the question of what would be best for her. What if he was as miserable living in her world as he currently was in his own? What if they couldn’t find a way to make it work? And what about John? For all Jack knew, Casey had decided she loved him instead. Hell, they could be married by now. It wouldn’t be the first time a man and woman got married after an intense emotional upheaval. Casey’s near death would certainly qualify. Jack already knew John loved her. Did he have any right at all to come between them?

  After days of soul-searching, Jack wasn’t any closer to answering the questions. The only thing he knew was that he loved Casey Nolan with every fiber of his being. Maybe she didn’t want him. He could hardly blame her if she hated him, considering the way he’d left her. It was possible all his self-doubt was for nothing. It didn’t make preparing to face her any easier, though. Whether she hated him or loved him, Jack knew he was more petrified now than he’d ever been during all his years in federal service. He tugged at his tie once more before releasing a short curse and turning away from the mirror. He had to see her. Whatever happened afterwards, he’d deal with it.

  Casey stared at her reflection in the full length mirror. She’d bought the dress earlier that day. It was a wholly frivolous purchase. Even if she ever had occasion to wear it again, within a few weeks she wouldn’t be able to fit into the copper-colored sheath. She wasn’t showing yet, but she soon would be. She laid a hand on her belly.

  “We’re gonna see your daddy, tonight.”

  She wasn’t far enough along to feel the baby move, but her stomach was tumbling enough to tremble beneath her fingers. She hadn’t been able to eat lunch, despite John’s efforts to make her force some food down. The morning sickness had passed, but her nerves wouldn’t let her eat today. She’d spent the past weeks trying to figure out how to tell Jack about the baby. It wasn’t the sort of thing a person just spat out. She had no idea how to broach the subject. She was afraid of how he might react. She believed he’d be responsible, but she feared that was all he’d want to be. What if he didn’t want his child at all? What if he chose to provide monetary support without any hint of emotion? Casey cradled her abdomen protectively.

  “Whatever happens, baby, I promise you’ll always be loved. You’re mommy loves you so much already.”

  “Don’t forget Uncle John.”

  Casey glanced up and met her brother’s gaze in the mirror.
He walked up behind her, looking very dashing in his western cut tuxedo. He’d even bought a new hat for the occasion. He wrapped his arm around her, covering her hand with his own.

  “You know I love this baby, too.”

  Casey nodded. “I know. But what if he doesn’t?”

  John’s expression clouded. “If he doesn’t, then it’s his loss. Frankly, I don’t know why you care. He doesn’t deserve you, either of you.”

  It was an old argument. John had been fit to be tied when she told him she was pregnant. He’d wanted to track Jack down and demand he do the right thing. Casey had refused to even hear of it. She wouldn’t force any man into marriage. She could support her child and herself just fine. After that, John had questioned her determination to tell Jack about the child. John figured Jack had given up any rights when he walked out on her without so much as a goodbye. But Casey wouldn’t do that to him.

  “He has a right to know, John.”

  John let her go, turning to walk across the room. “You’re still in love with him.”

  Casey turned around to meet her brother’s gaze. “Yes. Maybe I always will be. And that’s why I won’t shut him out of our child’s life. Jack isn’t a bad man, John. He’s just set in his ways. He’d go crazy on the ranch and we both know I’d go just as insane here. He never lied to me, never promised me anything at all. I knew the way things were and I don’t regret what we did. It just wasn’t meant to be, for us. You can’t hold that against him.”

  “I can, and I will. It was his job to keep you safe and he didn’t do it. I’ll never forgive him for that.”